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Eppler Celebrates Death of Barbaro, Draws Suspicion
Related Story: (6/9/2006) Eppler Wins Preakness – ON FOOT!
1/29/2007 - PHILADELPHIA (AP) – Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro was euthanized early Monday morning at the University of Pennsylvania's New Bolton Center in Kennett Square. The sad ending to the great horse's story came after a series of setbacks following a devastating leg injury allegedly caused by Five O's outfielder Mike Eppler. Eppler, already tried and convicted in the court of public opinion, has somehow avoided any real criminal charges in the matter, thanks to a series of back-alley deals brokered by his father Earl. Eppler to this day denies any wrong-doing, despite strong photographic evidence suggesting otherwise.

Originally, the injury to Barbaro seemed to be a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, as Eppler appeared to intentionally maim the horse, in order to manipulate a loophole in long-standing horseracing rules to his benefit. As is now well-known, Eppler went on to win the race on foot. However, newly surfaced information appears to indicate that the injury Barbaro suffered was far more than a case of bad luck.

Unnamed sources have confirmed that Eppler first encountered the horse two years ago, while watching Barbaro in a race of one-year-olds at famed Santa Anita Race Track. Eppler brought his female companion for the day (later confirmed to be a hooker) through the stable area after the race. According to a close friend of Eppler, who asked not to be named, Eppler said that the horse looked at his date "real dirty…you know, like it wanted to do her". Our source goes on to say that Eppler later vowed to kill Barbaro one day.

That day was today, January 29th. Thousands of mourners have sent their condolences to Barbaro's owners, Gretchen and Roy Jackson. Eppler was not among them. When asked for comment, Eppler said, "Look, I didn't have nothing to do with this, but if you ask me, that horse had it coming. Call it fate, or karma, or deliberate wrong-doing, or whatever, but I ain't going to shed a tear over that giant bucket of glue. And you know what? If they harvested any of that thing's horse chowder, and make baby horses with it, I hope they all die too. Good riddance."

Use this site at your own risk. No personal information is collected. If you have any problems with anything, Eppler will come rip you a new one.
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